Life & Style: Black Love

Filed under: Love, Life and Style

My girlfriend and I have been dating for four years, and we had planned to get married next year in California. Right after the law past last spring that gave the right for same sex couples to marry, my girlfriend pulled out a ring and asked me to marry her. She had bought it the year before, and was waiting for it to be legal for us to wed. I immediately set about planning my dream wedding, and we were going to have it next May in Santa Barbara. Now that proposition 8 has passed, we are no longer allowed to get married. I lost it, and threw a huge crying fit. I don't know what to do. I sent out invitations, hired a venue, caterers, picked a dress, a cake, and I am so angry right now, I can't see straight. What do I do?

A Fridge
Regardless of whether you have a wonderful sized meal plan, your fridge may come in handy with leftovers or when you feel like stocking it with bottled drinks.

Computer
The convenience of a computer is essential when sending your kids off to college. Forget the hike to the computer lab across campus students need a computer in the comfort of their room. A printer comes in handy as well. Depending on whether your child plans to carry his laptop around campus, you might opt for a desk top since they're lighter on the pockets.

Snacks
You will surely survive with off of a meal plan but it doesn't hurt to stock up on snacks when you don't feel like leaving your dorm room. Bottled water, pop corn, cereal and Ramen noodles are all low budget snacks to stock up on. Just be weary of the freshman 15.

Things from home
Some college students suffer from homesickness the first year. It's best to surround yourself with things like photos of the family, pillows or even stuffed animals. Anything that reminds your child of home.

MP3 Player
With all the stress that comes from school and exams, sometimes it's nice to block out the chaos in your life and even your roommate with music. It's nearly impossible to find students walking to class who aren't jamming to tunes.

Budget
Students who enter college often come in at the ripening age of 18. A great time for credit cards. Parents beware, your child may end up ruining their credit at a young age

Alarm Clock
When you're in college you don't have the luxury of getting awaken by your parents. It's now your responsibility to get to class on time so alarm clocks are a must. But keep your roommate in mind. You shouldn't wake him up ever morning with a blow horn alarm.

Cleaning supplies
Now you don't necessarily need to bring in the rubber gloves, mop and gas mask but it doesn't hurt to bring along Clorox all purpose wipes for spills or dust. Vacuums and brooms come in handy too depending if you have a carpeted dorm.

Bedding
What most parents aren't aware of is that most college beds are twin sized but extra long and require special sheets. When shopping keep your eye open for sheets that clearly state 'extra long' or else your child may come up short.

Shower shoes
You really don't know what some people do in the shower these days. College showers are known to be creeping with germs so spare yourself the fungus and purchase flip flops for the shower. You'll thank us later!

This is a very difficult time for many couples in California who were hoping to marry their spouses and make their partnerships legal. Even though prop 8 was passed, you and your girlfriend can still celebrate your union. You can get married in Massachusetts, Connecticut or Vermont, so feel free to make your union legally binding in one of these states and hold a special celebration in Santa Barbara with friends and family to commemorate your choice. Just because California will not recognize the marriage, does not mean that it is not a true, deep and lasting commitment. This is your opportunity to bring together your friends, family and loved ones to let them share in your happiness as a couple, and to tie the emotional bonds between you.

I am a homosexual black man, and I have been married to my husband for 3 years. We were wed in Massachusetts, and we have since moved to California, because my husband got a great job here. California passed a law that said they would not recognize gay marriage, and I wanted to know if they have to recognize my marriage, because we were married in a state where it is legal for us to wed. I'm scared because if something happens to my husband, will they recognize that I am his husband, and will I be able to visit him in the hospital? I just don't understand why they would do this. All I want is to be able to love my husband and grow old with him like anybody else wants.

It is understandable for you to feel frustrated and victimized. It is difficult to comprehend why people would make the choice to stand in the way of allowing others to love and be loved. Since the amendment to the constitution banning same sex marriage was passed, the state of California will not recognize your marriage. This doesn't mean that you do not have rights as citizens. Your best choice is to register as domestic partners, so that you will be eligible for many of the same state rights as heterosexual married couples. As discouraging as it is, this will keep you and your partner bonded under law until your right to marry is reinstated. You should also know that the rights of civil unions do not transfer from state to state like marriage does, so if you move again make sure to register as domestic partners if you are in a state that does not recognize gay marriage.

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SPONSORED BY: BOLD MOVES: THE FUTURE OF FORD Step behind the curtain at Ford Motor. Experience the documentary first-hand.

Filed under: Lifestyle, Love, Life and Style

I just found out that my boyfriend of 3 years has cheated on me again. He has been lying to me for months about where he has been, and I found out from the woman he was cheating with. I'm very embarrassed that I allowed him to do this to me again, but I still love him. He tells me it's my fault that he cheated, and says that I'm a snob and that I'm just not there for him. He is still living in my home, and some days he acts like nothing has happened. When he acts this way, I kinda wish we could go back to being together, but I also feel lost. What should I do?

When you are confronted with a cheating spouse, it is easy to struggle with the idea that you may be the one to blame for their infidelity, especially when they point the finger in your direction. The truth is, cheating is a choice, and a selfish and damaging one at that. Any partner who chooses to break the requirements of a relationship is sending you the clear message that they do not want to be in a committed relationship with you. No matter what their words are, their actions speak clearly for them. The actions of your boyfriend reflect a person who is emotionally immature, controlling, and irresponsible. Is this the kind of person you want holding your heart? In order to begin the healing process, you will need to confront the one person responsible for your happiness: You! It's time to break up, and take the steps to find out who you are once again.

A Fridge
Regardless of whether you have a wonderful sized meal plan, your fridge may come in handy with leftovers or when you feel like stocking it with bottled drinks.

Computer
The convenience of a computer is essential when sending your kids off to college. Forget the hike to the computer lab across campus students need a computer in the comfort of their room. A printer comes in handy as well. Depending on whether your child plans to carry his laptop around campus, you might opt for a desk top since they're lighter on the pockets.

Snacks
You will surely survive with off of a meal plan but it doesn't hurt to stock up on snacks when you don't feel like leaving your dorm room. Bottled water, pop corn, cereal and Ramen noodles are all low budget snacks to stock up on. Just be weary of the freshman 15.

Things from home
Some college students suffer from homesickness the first year. It's best to surround yourself with things like photos of the family, pillows or even stuffed animals. Anything that reminds your child of home.

MP3 Player
With all the stress that comes from school and exams, sometimes it's nice to block out the chaos in your life and even your roommate with music. It's nearly impossible to find students walking to class who aren't jamming to tunes.

Budget
Students who enter college often come in at the ripening age of 18. A great time for credit cards. Parents beware, your child may end up ruining their credit at a young age

Alarm Clock
When you're in college you don't have the luxury of getting awaken by your parents. It's now your responsibility to get to class on time so alarm clocks are a must. But keep your roommate in mind. You shouldn't wake him up ever morning with a blow horn alarm.

Cleaning supplies
Now you don't necessarily need to bring in the rubber gloves, mop and gas mask but it doesn't hurt to bring along Clorox all purpose wipes for spills or dust. Vacuums and brooms come in handy too depending if you have a carpeted dorm.

Bedding
What most parents aren't aware of is that most college beds are twin sized but extra long and require special sheets. When shopping keep your eye open for sheets that clearly state 'extra long' or else your child may come up short.

Shower shoes
You really don't know what some people do in the shower these days. College showers are known to be creeping with germs so spare yourself the fungus and purchase flip flops for the shower. You'll thank us later!

I just turned 30, and I feel like I should be engaged and married. I want to be a young mom. My boyfriend, who had told me in the past that he wants me to be his wife, has now changed his mind. His parents recently got divorced, and he suddenly believes that marriage isn't normal for people. I'm completely stunned and shocked. Where do I go from here?

It sounds like you are holding onto a set plan for the direction your relationship and life should go in. It is good to have big dreams, and to set clear goals for life, but to stick rigidly to a timeline will only leave you stressed and feeling like a failure when those deadlines are not met. A relationship is made up of two people, and as a couple you must work to grow together and maintain your sacred connection. It is time to make up. Reach out and find a couples relationship coach who can help you reconnect, and confront the limiting beliefs both you and your boyfriend have established about marriage.

Rebecca Brody is currently a Life Empowerment coach in New York City. Her area of expertise is in relationship coaching. She is a graduate of Vassar and Ipec, and has trained with the Relationship Coaching Institute. She is ICF certified, and has been studying social interaction, relationships and coupling for over a decade. To work with Coach Brody contact Brody@theluvcoach.com, or go to www.theluvcoach.com

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SPONSORED BY: BOLD MOVES: THE FUTURE OF FORD Step behind the curtain at Ford Motor. Experience the documentary first-hand.

Filed under: Lifestyle, Love, Weddings

The clock read half past midnight as I stood idly by the bar waiting for two customers to finish their desert. The sight of the warm chocolate banana cake a reminder, that in less than an hour I would turn 28. I love birthdays, and I have a penchant for starting them early and celebrating them for at least a week. This one would be no different. I had plans to meet my boyfriend for lunch tomorrow, then a party with my coworkers on Thursday night, and a joint birthday bash on Saturday to celebrate mine and my mans illustrious day of birth. Caught up in a daze of birthday planning, I jumped as Ichi, the manager of the small downtown sushi restaurant, came up behind me. In a thick Japanese accent he said "Appy bert-day! You gettoo go 'ome early. We close now." A huge grin spread across my face, as I booked it over to the table to drop my last check.

Walking home, I was excited to see my boyfriend and have a little midnight celebration.

I entered our apartment and Rose, our baby Chihuahua came scampering up to welcome me. The lights and T.V were off in the living room, so I assumed that Hank was in bed, and I couldn't wait to peck his face with kisses. Walking into the bedroom, I was surprised to find it empty. A look of realization swept across my face as I figured out that he had probably gone to the restaurant to surprise me. I had left early, so we probably missed each other in transit. I picked up the phone and listened patiently as the ring went to voice mail. Oh god, I hope he's not picking up flowers or something to surprise me. It would be just awful if he were to go all the way to the restaurant only to have to come right back. My thoughts were peppered with a gleeful anticipation of what ever the surprise might be, and my heart swelled with love for him.

Plopping down on the couch, I flicked through channels waiting for him to call. 10 minutes went by... 20 minutes, no call... and by 30 minutes my mind was racing. What the hell? Why hasn't he called me back yet? Oh no! What if something bad happened to him? My mind immediately jumped to a picture of him lying in the road injured, as tears sprang to my eyes. I pulled back the image, and reminded myself, that type of thinking is not constructive. Searching the house for his gym bag, I assumed he hadn't been home yet, since he always goes to the gym after work and is back by 7pm. Well if he hasn't been home, where the hell is he? I was seriously worried. I called a few more times and left messages, wondering at what point it was rationally acceptable to start harassing hospitals. Calm down. He is probably fine. Why don't you watch a movie and relax.

An hour and a half later, my phone rang, and I attacked it so ferociously, Rose bounced off my lap. There was loud music blasting in the background as Hank gleefully screamed "Hey BABY! Oh Yeah! Great! Having drinks with some of the guys!" He was piss drunk, and I was pissed off. Knowing this was not the time for such a battle I withheld my remarks, and sighed "great" which was a mix between relief and bitterness. "I'll be home soon" he lightly slurred as I responded with a teeth clenched "don't worry about it". Slamming the phone down, I was livid. I didn't want to yell at him in front of his friends or make a big crazy scene over the phone, but everything in my body was buzzing with anger.
An hour later, he came stumbling into the bedroom, and as he lay down in bed, I popped up and made my way to the couch. I was still seething, and this act of defiance was how I was going to make my point. I barely slept, as fits of anger washed over me and the same thoughts turned over and over in my mind. The little bit of sleep I managed to procure was disturbed when the front door slammed, announcing that he had gone to work.

Attempting to sleep was useless, so I got on the computer and decided to try and get some work done. An e-mail popped up from hank, and my heart simultaneously flipped and grew sad. He said he understood why I was mad, and he knew that I didn't like it when he went out late with his friends and got that drunk. He explained that his friends wanted to take him out for his birthday. The petulant child in me reared its bratty head. F-U! Your birthday isn't for five more days! It's my birthday! Mine! He commented that I was over reacting to the situation, and that made me even angrier. How dare he tell me, that I'm the one being crazy! He didn't even bother to call and let me know that he was going to be out till 3am. That is disrespectful and totally unacceptable. I was fed up, and called my friend Samantha.
"Hi! Remember when you said we should go out for birthday drinks? Well we're going to do it!"
She was surprised by my attitude, and said "I thought you had lunch plans!?"
"Nope! Not anymore," I quipped with a vengeful glee.

The plan was to be absent when he showed to pick me up. As I turned the idea over in my mind, I started to feel bad about standing him up, so I e-mailed to let him know that I wasn't going to be home. I was going to do my own thing and try to have a happy birthday. It sounded like I was going on a salvage mission, but I was too angry to recant. Suddenly I was overcome with a ball of furious emotion. My body grew hot, and my head ached at the thought of spending this day without him. I started sobbing uncontrollably, and hyperventilating. Rose ran to the couch and burrowed under a pillow, having never seen me in this state before. I was so angry, upset, and hysterical and all I wanted to do was hurt him. Each time I imagined doing that though, I felt worse and sobbed even more.

I was catching the crazy, and there was only one thing to do. I called my luv Coach and through sniffles and sobs retold the whole story. She took me through a breathing exercise, which calmed me down so I could speak coherently, then led me through an exercise that allowed me to feel all these emotions and then release them. Like magic, I was in a calm state. After asking several questions, she showed me that Hank was the person I wanted to spend my birthday with, and he is the person who is most important to me. "You want to face the issue and work to resolve it together so you grow closer!" She stated with conviction.

I sent an e-mail letting Hank know that I would have lunch with him, and even though I felt calmer, I was still angry. I went to the gym to blow off some steam, and then cleaned up around the house. As I was folding laundry the front door opened. Glancing at the clock, I noticed he was three hours early. I was still in my gym clothes, no make up, and my hair looked like a hot mess. He's probably scared that I might take off and not meet him for lunch. Ha! He held out a bouquet of the most beautiful arrangement of roses and lilies, but in my current mood I unenthusiastically replied "Oh yeah thanks. They're pretty."

In the other hand he held a bottle of champagne, and even though a glass of bubbly might make me feel better, I knew that booze exacerbates any heated situation and makes catching the crazy that much easier. Tucked under his arm, was a box, which by the size of it, had me guessing it was lingerie. The card was laced with sweet words, which helped to soften my mood a little, and as I opened the box, there was another box inside. Probably an upgrade on my diamond earrings. He grabbed the box out of my hand and bent down on one knee.

He opened it slowly and said, "Analise, I love you with all my heart, and I want to marry you."

I was so baffled my limbs became weak. I felt like someone was hanging me upside down by my feet and my head was about to explode. I started crying all over again.

"I look a mess" I croaked. He shook his head and smiled. "No, you look perfect. This is the woman I fell in love with. The one I wake up to each morning. The one I want to spend my life with." I started to cry even harder as my throat dried up.

"Do I get an answer? Is it a yes?" He chided gently.

I shook my head furiously up and down, as he hugged and kissed my face.

He whispered into my ear, "I'm so sorry for last night, but the guys knew what I was going to do and they made me go out and celebrate. I promise to call next time, and let you know that I'm fine."

In that moment I understood everything, and I was grateful for a luv coach who made sure I didn't catch the crazy, allowing me to experience one of the most beautiful days of my life.

10.) Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra

In all honestly, Dennis Rodman getting married to anyone would have been a shocker but for these two to have found each other oddly enough seemed like a perfect match, given their marriage history (Prince and Madonna). These two are VH1 reality shows just waiting to happen.

9.) Halle Berry and Eric Benet

On the surface, this relationship of two beautiful people seemed too perfect... and it was. The couple, who were married in 2001, separated in 2003, due to... irreconcilable differences. Under the surface though, the rumors abounded that Benet was a rabid sex addict and the cat quickly got out the bag. Today, Halle's got her baby and her new beau and as for Eric... well he's still walking around barefoot.

8.) Treach and Pepa (Salt-N-Pepa)

Although the two have them had been linked for years, they never made it official until 1999. Of course just two years later, the pair broke it off, but managed to produce a daughter, Egypt, in their time together. Treach would go on to do some acting as well as a few "adult" films, while Pepa would go on to reunite with Salt and Spinderella, only to be constantly yelled at by Salt on their very own reality show. All's well that ends well.

7.) Jennifer Lopez and Chris Judd

Unfairly sandwiched between P. Diddy and Ben Affleck, former back-up dancer, Chris Judd had the distinct honor of being one of J.Lo's many love interests for all of a millisecond. Predictably, the marriage lasted less than a year,effectively ending in June 2002, around the same time J.Lo was seen hugging up with half of the soon-to-be ill-fated "Benifer," Ben Affleck.

6.) Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds

This marriage was a wrap before it even had legs. The couple, who were faux-married on the New Year's day in Bora Bora, ended up splitting on the 16th of January. Lucky for them, it wasn't official or that divorce would have been something else. On the bright side, Eddie can now put a little more time into paying Mel B. some of that child support with all his stacks from quality films like 'The Adventures of Pluto Nash.'

5.) Janet Jackson and James DeBarge

In one of the most brief and forgettable marriages ever, Janet Jackson covertly eloped with one of the many Debarge's in 1984 only to break it off a year later in 1985 due to his constant drug use. And to think, the world could have been blessed with a possible clan of singing/dancing Jackson-Debarge babies managed by the jovial Joe Jackson. Oh well...

4.) R. Kelly and Aaliyah

Before he was trapped in the closet and years before he beat those child molestation charges like they owed him money, R. Kelly was briefly married to a 15-year-old Aaliyah in 1994. It was later reported that Aaliyah lied about being 18 and the marriage was annulled shortly thereafter. Coincidentally, Kelly is also known as the pied piper... SUSPECT!!!

3.) Gary Coleman and Shannon Price

Former Diff'rent Strokes star Gary Coleman had long been remembered for either his catchphrase on the show or through the many antics/unfortunate circumstances which have affected him following the show. So when word came out in August 2007, that he wed 5-month girlfriend, Shannon Price, the reaction was not unexpected. What?!?! Who?!?!?! Well low and behold, a year later, this lovely couple soon found themselves in Divorce Court with Gary pretty much saying that he was still a virgin and that she wasn't giving up the goods. Truth is, this couple may not be separated, but those sparks better start flying or Gary's going to blow a fuse.

2.) Mike Tyson and Robin Givens

She played violin, went to acting school, and was once accepted into Harvard Medical School. "Iron" Mike on the other hand, grew up in the streets, became known as one of the most brutal boxers in history, and even gnawed a man's ear off. To say that this wasn't a marriage built to last is an understatement.

1.) Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley

Without a doubt, this had to be one of the most unexpected marriages in history. The king of pop, amidst his first child molestation ordeal, and the daughter of Elvis Presley were as mismatched as a square peg in a round hole. And if the marriage weren't enough, the two of them famously gave one of the most awkward and poorly acted kisses on stage at the 1994 MTV Music Awards, cementing yet another landmark in marvel that is Michael Jackson.

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SPONSORED BY: BOLD MOVES: THE FUTURE OF FORD Step behind the curtain at Ford Motor. Experience the documentary first-hand.

Filed under: Lifestyle, Love, Weddings

My wife and I have been married for 14 years, and have been together since we were 17 years old (1986). Now that we're older she is more into church, God. I have been going more often than usual to learn more myself. But the last three years it seems that we have grown apart. She even mentioned before in an argument that she needs for me to come up to her level, spiritually. I still like to have fun, watch TV, and go to the movies. I have since sold my motorcycle, the one thing I had left that I enjoyed, because she said it brought too much attention from other women. She gets a message from the pastor and runs with it. Sometimes my family can't watch TV or listen to music. She just wants everyone to be still all day and read the word.

What can I do to bring the fun back into my marriage?

In every marriage there is a give and receive that must take place for each person in the relationship to find balance and harmony together. Your wife is doing a lot of giving, but she has forgotten how to receive. It's time to sit down and have an intimate talk with her about the need to meet each other half way, and work with each other to live in harmony. This is your opportunity to find out what she is searching for in her connection with the divine, and to understand, support and embrace her choice. Explain that life also gives us the experience of fun and enjoyment, and show her how together the two of you can create a balanced and healthy environment for your children. Everything in moderation leads to a balanced existence, and allows you to grow into well rounded, loving human beings.

I am going to my sons wedding and my ex-wife will be there. I haven't seen her in 10 years and she is remarried. How should I handle myself at the wedding?

This is one of the most important days in your sons' life, and an experience that may only come once in a lifetime. He will need you to be there for him, to help guide him through this special day. Focus on the needs of your son and put him first. Your ex wife has moved on, and it's time for you to do the same, therefore the best way for you to handle yourself at the wedding is by playing the greatest role you can take at such an event, the father of the groom.

10.) Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra

In all honestly, Dennis Rodman getting married to anyone would have been a shocker but for these two to have found each other oddly enough seemed like a perfect match, given their marriage history (Prince and Madonna). These two are VH1 reality shows just waiting to happen.

9.) Halle Berry and Eric Benet

On the surface, this relationship of two beautiful people seemed too perfect... and it was. The couple, who were married in 2001, separated in 2003, due to... irreconcilable differences. Under the surface though, the rumors abounded that Benet was a rabid sex addict and the cat quickly got out the bag. Today, Halle's got her baby and her new beau and as for Eric... well he's still walking around barefoot.

8.) Treach and Pepa (Salt-N-Pepa)

Although the two have them had been linked for years, they never made it official until 1999. Of course just two years later, the pair broke it off, but managed to produce a daughter, Egypt, in their time together. Treach would go on to do some acting as well as a few "adult" films, while Pepa would go on to reunite with Salt and Spinderella, only to be constantly yelled at by Salt on their very own reality show. All's well that ends well.

7.) Jennifer Lopez and Chris Judd

Unfairly sandwiched between P. Diddy and Ben Affleck, former back-up dancer, Chris Judd had the distinct honor of being one of J.Lo's many love interests for all of a millisecond. Predictably, the marriage lasted less than a year,effectively ending in June 2002, around the same time J.Lo was seen hugging up with half of the soon-to-be ill-fated "Benifer," Ben Affleck.

6.) Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds

This marriage was a wrap before it even had legs. The couple, who were faux-married on the New Year's day in Bora Bora, ended up splitting on the 16th of January. Lucky for them, it wasn't official or that divorce would have been something else. On the bright side, Eddie can now put a little more time into paying Mel B. some of that child support with all his stacks from quality films like 'The Adventures of Pluto Nash.'

5.) Janet Jackson and James DeBarge

In one of the most brief and forgettable marriages ever, Janet Jackson covertly eloped with one of the many Debarge's in 1984 only to break it off a year later in 1985 due to his constant drug use. And to think, the world could have been blessed with a possible clan of singing/dancing Jackson-Debarge babies managed by the jovial Joe Jackson. Oh well...

4.) R. Kelly and Aaliyah

Before he was trapped in the closet and years before he beat those child molestation charges like they owed him money, R. Kelly was briefly married to a 15-year-old Aaliyah in 1994. It was later reported that Aaliyah lied about being 18 and the marriage was annulled shortly thereafter. Coincidentally, Kelly is also known as the pied piper... SUSPECT!!!

3.) Gary Coleman and Shannon Price

Former Diff'rent Strokes star Gary Coleman had long been remembered for either his catchphrase on the show or through the many antics/unfortunate circumstances which have affected him following the show. So when word came out in August 2007, that he wed 5-month girlfriend, Shannon Price, the reaction was not unexpected. What?!?! Who?!?!?! Well low and behold, a year later, this lovely couple soon found themselves in Divorce Court with Gary pretty much saying that he was still a virgin and that she wasn't giving up the goods. Truth is, this couple may not be separated, but those sparks better start flying or Gary's going to blow a fuse.

2.) Mike Tyson and Robin Givens

She played violin, went to acting school, and was once accepted into Harvard Medical School. "Iron" Mike on the other hand, grew up in the streets, became known as one of the most brutal boxers in history, and even gnawed a man's ear off. To say that this wasn't a marriage built to last is an understatement.

1.) Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley

Without a doubt, this had to be one of the most unexpected marriages in history. The king of pop, amidst his first child molestation ordeal, and the daughter of Elvis Presley were as mismatched as a square peg in a round hole. And if the marriage weren't enough, the two of them famously gave one of the most awkward and poorly acted kisses on stage at the 1994 MTV Music Awards, cementing yet another landmark in marvel that is Michael Jackson.

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

SPONSORED BY: BOLD MOVES: THE FUTURE OF FORD Step behind the curtain at Ford Motor. Experience the documentary first-hand.