Life & Style: Black Love
Features
Luv Coach: Break Up or Make Up?
- "My boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me...again. Will he ever change?"
Cheating Partner
Luv Coach: Co-Habitation
- "He asked me to move in with him, but I want marriage.What do I do?"
Co-Habitation Woes
Man & Wife Video Exclusive!
- Fatman Scoop and wife Shanda give the down low on good love.
Marriage Advice
What's Hot: Black Love
The Luv Coach Answers All
Our relationships expert Rebecca Brody answers your most pressing questions on love, relationships:
How To Keep The Flame Alive
Pre-Nup Blues
Cold Feet or Cold Heart?
Advice for the Wedding-Bound!
Love: Black Voices Style!
Love! So many of us have it, need it, and want it. Sometimes its rough and other times its sweet but that's why it's love. So when you need some advice on your relationship or want to know why they don't love you anymore, look no further than BV's Love section.
Filed under: Love, Life and Style

My boyfriend is very laid back, and when ever I ask him what we should do, he just tells me to pick whatever. He doesn't take any initiative when it comes to planning our dates, and I feel like I am doing all the work. Sometimes I want to just take a break and let someone else be responsible for my entertainment and happiness. He doesn't seem to understand why I am frustrated, because he thinks I should be happy that we always do what I want. This is becoming a burden on our relationship. How do I get him to step up and do his part?
The College Survival Guide
A Fridge
Regardless of whether you have a wonderful sized meal plan, your fridge may come in handy with leftovers or when you feel like stocking it with bottled drinks.
Computer
The convenience of a computer is essential when sending your kids off to college. Forget the hike to the computer lab across campus students need a computer in the comfort of their room. A printer comes in handy as well. Depending on whether your child plans to carry his laptop around campus, you might opt for a desk top since they're lighter on the pockets.
Snacks
You will surely survive with off of a meal plan but it doesn't hurt to stock up on snacks when you don't feel like leaving your dorm room. Bottled water, pop corn, cereal and Ramen noodles are all low budget snacks to stock up on. Just be weary of the freshman 15.
Things from home
Some college students suffer from homesickness the first year. It's best to surround yourself with things like photos of the family, pillows or even stuffed animals. Anything that reminds your child of home.
MP3 Player
With all the stress that comes from school and exams, sometimes it's nice to block out the chaos in your life and even your roommate with music. It's nearly impossible to find students walking to class who aren't jamming to tunes.
Budget
Students who enter college often come in at the ripening age of 18. A great time for credit cards. Parents beware, your child may end up ruining their credit at a young age
Alarm Clock
When you're in college you don't have the luxury of getting awaken by your parents. It's now your responsibility to get to class on time so alarm clocks are a must. But keep your roommate in mind. You shouldn't wake him up ever morning with a blow horn alarm.
Cleaning supplies
Now you don't necessarily need to bring in the rubber gloves, mop and gas mask but it doesn't hurt to bring along Clorox all purpose wipes for spills or dust. Vacuums and brooms come in handy too depending if you have a carpeted dorm.
Bedding
What most parents aren't aware of is that most college beds are twin sized but extra long and require special sheets. When shopping keep your eye open for sheets that clearly state 'extra long' or else your child may come up short.
Shower shoes
You really don't know what some people do in the shower these days. College showers are known to be creeping with germs so spare yourself the fungus and purchase flip flops for the shower. You'll thank us later!
It can become exhausting to always be the person who is responsible for taking control of your relationship and being responsible for providing the entertainment. Even though your boyfriend may feel that he is fulfilling your every wish by only doing what you want, this choice shifts the balance of power, diminishes the trust, and makes you see your boyfriend as someone who cannot take care of you. This will inevitably undermine your relationship. A great exercise to remedy this situation is called the "Surrender Date". At least twice a month let him know that he will be planning a special date, in which he has to choose what you wear, what you do, where you eat, how you get there. It is his choice to plan the entire date, and you do not have a choice in any of it. Allow yourself to relax and enjoy whatever he chooses for you, because this is your opportunity to show how much you support him.
I have been dating a very controlling woman for several months now. When we go out she picks the restaurant, chooses the wine, bullies me into getting what she likes to eat. In the beginning I was okay with it, because I wanted to please her, but now I feel like she doesn't care to even know what I like or don't like. She often makes me feel like a child, and scolds me if I mess up. I feel like this is a one way relationship, and I think I should get out while I still have my dignity in tact. Is there hope for us, or should I just high tail it out of this relationship?
This is a poor start to a relationship, because you are both playing the wrong roles. She is playing the role of mother, and you are playing the role of naughty child. You need to correct this immediately if you want your relationship to develop and grow on a healthy path. The first thing you can do is bring this to her attention. Let her know that you are both playing unhealthy roles and you are feeling diminished within the relationship. You both need to be consciously aware of these roles each time you interact and ask yourself if the roles playing out are mom and son, or boyfriend and girlfriend. Ask yourself, "As her boyfriend what choice is appropriate to make?"; "Is she asking me as my girlfriend, or do I feel mothered?" Let her know that the way she scolds you is not working for you, and come up with a new way for her to approach you when you mess up. These questions will help you maintain a healthier role, and will allow you to work out the kinks in your relationship before you decide to call it quits.
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SPONSORED BY: BOLD MOVES: THE FUTURE OF FORD Step behind the curtain at Ford Motor. Experience the documentary first-hand.
Read MoreFiled under: Love, Life and Style

My girlfriend and I have been dating for four years, and we had planned to get married next year in California. Right after the law past last spring that gave the right for same sex couples to marry, my girlfriend pulled out a ring and asked me to marry her. She had bought it the year before, and was waiting for it to be legal for us to wed. I immediately set about planning my dream wedding, and we were going to have it next May in Santa Barbara. Now that proposition 8 has passed, we are no longer allowed to get married. I lost it, and threw a huge crying fit. I don't know what to do. I sent out invitations, hired a venue, caterers, picked a dress, a cake, and I am so angry right now, I can't see straight. What do I do?
The College Survival Guide
A Fridge
Regardless of whether you have a wonderful sized meal plan, your fridge may come in handy with leftovers or when you feel like stocking it with bottled drinks.
Computer
The convenience of a computer is essential when sending your kids off to college. Forget the hike to the computer lab across campus students need a computer in the comfort of their room. A printer comes in handy as well. Depending on whether your child plans to carry his laptop around campus, you might opt for a desk top since they're lighter on the pockets.
Snacks
You will surely survive with off of a meal plan but it doesn't hurt to stock up on snacks when you don't feel like leaving your dorm room. Bottled water, pop corn, cereal and Ramen noodles are all low budget snacks to stock up on. Just be weary of the freshman 15.
Things from home
Some college students suffer from homesickness the first year. It's best to surround yourself with things like photos of the family, pillows or even stuffed animals. Anything that reminds your child of home.
MP3 Player
With all the stress that comes from school and exams, sometimes it's nice to block out the chaos in your life and even your roommate with music. It's nearly impossible to find students walking to class who aren't jamming to tunes.
Budget
Students who enter college often come in at the ripening age of 18. A great time for credit cards. Parents beware, your child may end up ruining their credit at a young age
Alarm Clock
When you're in college you don't have the luxury of getting awaken by your parents. It's now your responsibility to get to class on time so alarm clocks are a must. But keep your roommate in mind. You shouldn't wake him up ever morning with a blow horn alarm.
Cleaning supplies
Now you don't necessarily need to bring in the rubber gloves, mop and gas mask but it doesn't hurt to bring along Clorox all purpose wipes for spills or dust. Vacuums and brooms come in handy too depending if you have a carpeted dorm.
Bedding
What most parents aren't aware of is that most college beds are twin sized but extra long and require special sheets. When shopping keep your eye open for sheets that clearly state 'extra long' or else your child may come up short.
Shower shoes
You really don't know what some people do in the shower these days. College showers are known to be creeping with germs so spare yourself the fungus and purchase flip flops for the shower. You'll thank us later!
This is a very difficult time for many couples in California who were hoping to marry their spouses and make their partnerships legal. Even though prop 8 was passed, you and your girlfriend can still celebrate your union. You can get married in Massachusetts, Connecticut or Vermont, so feel free to make your union legally binding in one of these states and hold a special celebration in Santa Barbara with friends and family to commemorate your choice. Just because California will not recognize the marriage, does not mean that it is not a true, deep and lasting commitment. This is your opportunity to bring together your friends, family and loved ones to let them share in your happiness as a couple, and to tie the emotional bonds between you.

I am a homosexual black man, and I have been married to my husband for 3 years. We were wed in Massachusetts, and we have since moved to California, because my husband got a great job here. California passed a law that said they would not recognize gay marriage, and I wanted to know if they have to recognize my marriage, because we were married in a state where it is legal for us to wed. I'm scared because if something happens to my husband, will they recognize that I am his husband, and will I be able to visit him in the hospital? I just don't understand why they would do this. All I want is to be able to love my husband and grow old with him like anybody else wants.
It is understandable for you to feel frustrated and victimized. It is difficult to comprehend why people would make the choice to stand in the way of allowing others to love and be loved. Since the amendment to the constitution banning same sex marriage was passed, the state of California will not recognize your marriage. This doesn't mean that you do not have rights as citizens. Your best choice is to register as domestic partners, so that you will be eligible for many of the same state rights as heterosexual married couples. As discouraging as it is, this will keep you and your partner bonded under law until your right to marry is reinstated. You should also know that the rights of civil unions do not transfer from state to state like marriage does, so if you move again make sure to register as domestic partners if you are in a state that does not recognize gay marriage.
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SPONSORED BY: BOLD MOVES: THE FUTURE OF FORD Step behind the curtain at Ford Motor. Experience the documentary first-hand.
Read MoreFiled under: Lifestyle, Love, Life and Style

I've been dating a lovely man over the Internet for the last 5 months. He lives in Virginia and I live in Boston. He asked me to move in with him, so that we could take our relationship to the next level. I feel I am in love with him, but I'm not sure if I am ready to give up my friends and my job here in Boston. Any advice?
This is a good time to listen to your instincts, which are telling you that this is not the right time to make a move. A relationship needs time to grow and five months is not enough time to truly get to know someone. You two are still in the pre-commitment phase of your relationship, which means that you feel you might be in love, but really you are in the infatuation stage. Your body is releasing chemicals which lead to powerful feelings of attraction, closeness, well being, excitement, and love. These feelings can blind you from consciously learning if this relationship fulfills your requirements. Give yourself at least 18 months to truly get to know each other, and to see if you are actually compatible. Make a list of the requirements, functional needs, and emotional needs for the relationship, and give yourself enough time to make sure that they are being met.
A Fridge
Regardless of whether you have a wonderful sized meal plan, your fridge may come in handy with leftovers or when you feel like stocking it with bottled drinks.
Computer
The convenience of a computer is essential when sending your kids off to college. Forget the hike to the computer lab across campus students need a computer in the comfort of their room. A printer comes in handy as well. Depending on whether your child plans to carry his laptop around campus, you might opt for a desk top since they're lighter on the pockets.
Snacks
You will surely survive with off of a meal plan but it doesn't hurt to stock up on snacks when you don't feel like leaving your dorm room. Bottled water, pop corn, cereal and Ramen noodles are all low budget snacks to stock up on. Just be weary of the freshman 15.
Things from home
Some college students suffer from homesickness the first year. It's best to surround yourself with things like photos of the family, pillows or even stuffed animals. Anything that reminds your child of home.
MP3 Player
With all the stress that comes from school and exams, sometimes it's nice to block out the chaos in your life and even your roommate with music. It's nearly impossible to find students walking to class who aren't jamming to tunes.
Budget
Students who enter college often come in at the ripening age of 18. A great time for credit cards. Parents beware, your child may end up ruining their credit at a young age
Alarm Clock
When you're in college you don't have the luxury of getting awaken by your parents. It's now your responsibility to get to class on time so alarm clocks are a must. But keep your roommate in mind. You shouldn't wake him up ever morning with a blow horn alarm.
Cleaning supplies
Now you don't necessarily need to bring in the rubber gloves, mop and gas mask but it doesn't hurt to bring along Clorox all purpose wipes for spills or dust. Vacuums and brooms come in handy too depending if you have a carpeted dorm.
Bedding
What most parents aren't aware of is that most college beds are twin sized but extra long and require special sheets. When shopping keep your eye open for sheets that clearly state 'extra long' or else your child may come up short.
Shower shoes
You really don't know what some people do in the shower these days. College showers are known to be creeping with germs so spare yourself the fungus and purchase flip flops for the shower. You'll thank us later!

My boyfriend of 2 years feels that we need to move our relationship forward by living together. I was raised in a strict religious household, and there is no way I could tell my parents I was living with a man who isn't my husband. I know I need to live my own life, but when is it right to live with someone and when should you decide to get married?
Many couples believe that co-habitation is a step to understanding if a committed relationship will work. The truth is that the next step in the relationship is marriage. A couple that chooses to live together is still testing the waters and is still in the pre-commitment stage of the relationship. Most couples who live together before marriage, end up divorced, because they bring the pre-commitment values into the marriage. Another issue with living together is that you may fall into what is called a "mini marriage." In this type of marriage you are living together, but you believe that if something isn't working you can just walk away. When you are in a committed relationship, there are no exits, and any problems are either worked through or lived with.
Rebecca Brody is currently a Life Empowerment coach in New York City. Her area of expertise is in relationship coaching. She is a graduate of Vassar and Ipec, and has trained with the Relationship Coaching Institute. She is ICF certified, and has been studying social interaction, relationships and coupling for over a decade. To work with Coach Brody contact Brody@theluvcoach.com, or go to www.theluvcoach.com
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SPONSORED BY: BOLD MOVES: THE FUTURE OF FORD Step behind the curtain at Ford Motor. Experience the documentary first-hand.
Read MoreFiled under: Lifestyle, Love, Life and Style

I just found out that my boyfriend of 3 years has cheated on me again. He has been lying to me for months about where he has been, and I found out from the woman he was cheating with. I'm very embarrassed that I allowed him to do this to me again, but I still love him. He tells me it's my fault that he cheated, and says that I'm a snob and that I'm just not there for him. He is still living in my home, and some days he acts like nothing has happened. When he acts this way, I kinda wish we could go back to being together, but I also feel lost. What should I do?
When you are confronted with a cheating spouse, it is easy to struggle with the idea that you may be the one to blame for their infidelity, especially when they point the finger in your direction. The truth is, cheating is a choice, and a selfish and damaging one at that. Any partner who chooses to break the requirements of a relationship is sending you the clear message that they do not want to be in a committed relationship with you. No matter what their words are, their actions speak clearly for them. The actions of your boyfriend reflect a person who is emotionally immature, controlling, and irresponsible. Is this the kind of person you want holding your heart? In order to begin the healing process, you will need to confront the one person responsible for your happiness: You! It's time to break up, and take the steps to find out who you are once again.
The College Survival Guide
A Fridge
Regardless of whether you have a wonderful sized meal plan, your fridge may come in handy with leftovers or when you feel like stocking it with bottled drinks.
Computer
The convenience of a computer is essential when sending your kids off to college. Forget the hike to the computer lab across campus students need a computer in the comfort of their room. A printer comes in handy as well. Depending on whether your child plans to carry his laptop around campus, you might opt for a desk top since they're lighter on the pockets.
Snacks
You will surely survive with off of a meal plan but it doesn't hurt to stock up on snacks when you don't feel like leaving your dorm room. Bottled water, pop corn, cereal and Ramen noodles are all low budget snacks to stock up on. Just be weary of the freshman 15.
Things from home
Some college students suffer from homesickness the first year. It's best to surround yourself with things like photos of the family, pillows or even stuffed animals. Anything that reminds your child of home.
MP3 Player
With all the stress that comes from school and exams, sometimes it's nice to block out the chaos in your life and even your roommate with music. It's nearly impossible to find students walking to class who aren't jamming to tunes.
Budget
Students who enter college often come in at the ripening age of 18. A great time for credit cards. Parents beware, your child may end up ruining their credit at a young age
Alarm Clock
When you're in college you don't have the luxury of getting awaken by your parents. It's now your responsibility to get to class on time so alarm clocks are a must. But keep your roommate in mind. You shouldn't wake him up ever morning with a blow horn alarm.
Cleaning supplies
Now you don't necessarily need to bring in the rubber gloves, mop and gas mask but it doesn't hurt to bring along Clorox all purpose wipes for spills or dust. Vacuums and brooms come in handy too depending if you have a carpeted dorm.
Bedding
What most parents aren't aware of is that most college beds are twin sized but extra long and require special sheets. When shopping keep your eye open for sheets that clearly state 'extra long' or else your child may come up short.
Shower shoes
You really don't know what some people do in the shower these days. College showers are known to be creeping with germs so spare yourself the fungus and purchase flip flops for the shower. You'll thank us later!

I just turned 30, and I feel like I should be engaged and married. I want to be a young mom. My boyfriend, who had told me in the past that he wants me to be his wife, has now changed his mind. His parents recently got divorced, and he suddenly believes that marriage isn't normal for people. I'm completely stunned and shocked. Where do I go from here?
It sounds like you are holding onto a set plan for the direction your relationship and life should go in. It is good to have big dreams, and to set clear goals for life, but to stick rigidly to a timeline will only leave you stressed and feeling like a failure when those deadlines are not met. A relationship is made up of two people, and as a couple you must work to grow together and maintain your sacred connection. It is time to make up. Reach out and find a couples relationship coach who can help you reconnect, and confront the limiting beliefs both you and your boyfriend have established about marriage.
Rebecca Brody is currently a Life Empowerment coach in New York City. Her area of expertise is in relationship coaching. She is a graduate of Vassar and Ipec, and has trained with the Relationship Coaching Institute. She is ICF certified, and has been studying social interaction, relationships and coupling for over a decade. To work with Coach Brody contact Brody@theluvcoach.com, or go to www.theluvcoach.com
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SPONSORED BY: BOLD MOVES: THE FUTURE OF FORD Step behind the curtain at Ford Motor. Experience the documentary first-hand.
Read MoreFiled under: Lifestyle, Love, Life and Style
Isaac "Fatman Scoop" and Shanda Freeman, stars of the new tell it like it t-i-s reality show on MTV, 'Man and Wife' have been married for five glorious years. Shanda and Scoop, who were burning up the internet with their brazen, no-holds barred love advice online before MTV came knocking, are indeed the genuine article. Ain't nothing like the real thing, baby! Scoop and Shanda, Man and Wife, drop hilarious jewels on the BV audience -- their Top 10 Ways to Keep a relationship poppin'. Ka-pow!Note: 'Man and Wife' appears daily on MTV at midnight.
2008 MTV Video Music Awards
LOS ANGELES, CA - SEPTEMBER 07: (FILE PHOTO) Musician Travis Barker poses in the press room at the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards at Paramount Pictures Studios on September 7, 2008 in Los Angeles, California. It was reported that former Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker and a popular disc jockey have been critically injured in a Learjet crash that killed four people on September 20, 2008 in Columbia, South Carolina. (Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images)
Getty Images
DJ AM (L) and musician Travis Barker arrive at the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards in Los Angeles in this file photo from September 7, 2008. According to reports Barker and DJ AM are in critical condition after the plane they were passengers in crashed in which 4 other passengers died in Columbia, South Carolina on September 19, 2008.REUTERS/Phil McCarten/Files (UNITED STATES)
Reuters
DJ AM (L) and musician Travis Barker pose backstage at the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards in Los Angeles in this file photo from September 7, 2008. According to reports Barker and DJ AM are in critical condition after the plane they were passengers in crashed in which 4 other passengers died in Columbia, South Carolina on September 19, 2008.REUTERS/Phil McCarten/Files (UNITED STATES)
Reuters
Lauren Conrad from the MTV reality series "The Hills" arrives at the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards in Los Angeles in this September 7, 2008 file photo. Conrad has signed a book deal for a young adult fiction series based on her own transformation from regular California teen to celebrity darling, HarperCollins Publishers said September 11, 2008. REUTERS/Phil McCarten/Files (UNITED STATES)
Reuters
NBA star Kobe Bryant present the award for video of the year to Britney Spears at the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards held at Paramount Pictures Studio Lot on Sunday, Sept. 7, 2008, in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)
AP
Britney Spears and her manager, Larry Rudolph react after she wins one of three awards at the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards held at Paramount Pictures Studio Lot on Sunday, Sept. 7, 2008, in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)
AP
NBA player Kobe Bryant presents the video of the year at the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards held at Paramount Pictures Studio Lot on Sunday, Sept. 7, 2008, in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)
AP
Lil Wayne, left, and Kid Rock shake hands as they perform at the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards held at Paramount Pictures Studio Lot on Sunday, Sept. 7, 2008, in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)
AP
Lil Wayne, left, and Kid Rock perform at the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards held at Paramount Pictures Studio Lot on Sunday, Sept. 7, 2008, in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)
AP
Paris Hilton presents the award for best pop video at the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards held at Paramount Pictures Studio Lot on Sunday, Sept. 7, 2008, in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)
AP
Even more love advice from Scoop and Shanda. Keep It Poppin' Part 2:
To peep Man & Wife's Webisodes, get advice from Scoop and Shanda or just for more plain talk on sex and relationships, go to: http://www.manandwife.tv/
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SPONSORED BY: BOLD MOVES: THE FUTURE OF FORD Step behind the curtain at Ford Motor. Experience the documentary first-hand.
Read MoreWeddings: Black Voices Style!
Details, details...it's all in the details -- especially when it comes to weddings. BV has got you covered. From love advice to hair and fashion tips, Black Voices will help you make the most of that big day!
Filed under: Lifestyle, Style Spotter, Weddings, Life and Style
Something new? Check. Something blue? Check. Lingerie for the wedding night? Hmmm.... Not so sure? For many girls of a more "voluptuous demeanor," the idea of wearing lingerie of any kind -- especially for your new husband -- may be a bit intimidating. But big girls are sexy too! If you're shy about showing off your curves to your man or if you haven't been able to find something just right in your size, we got you covered! Avenue, which focuses on high-quality fashion for curvy women (sizes 14-32), is launching their 2008 Bridal Collection. The collection features corsets, lace underwear and sexy gowns all in virgin white; ranging from $18 to $48. Your husband already thinks of you as the most beautiful woman, now it's your job to embrace it! For brides or bridesmaids and gal pals looking for the perfect bridal shower gift, this is the ticket.
2008 Avenue Bridal Collection
White Beaded Gown:
If you're husband thought you looked amazing in your wedding dress, wait until he sees you in this number!
Avenue
Lace Cheeky Panites:
You'll be sure to get your man's attention in these lacy panties. The bow adds a nice touch, don't you think?
Avenue
Lace Back Corset:
With a lace back and lace trim, you'll be exuding sexiness in this chic corset.
Avenue
Lace Cup Cami:
This seductive piece incorporates lace and beading for a special touch.
Avenue
Chemise with G-String:
This simple yet elegant chemise is sure to make you feel sexy on your wedding night.
Avenue
Kimono Robe:
This silky robe is great to slip into after coming out the shower or when you just feel like covering up.
Avenue
Embellished Garter Belt:
You'll be sure to stop your man dead in his tracks with this seductive garter belt!
Avenue
Lace Underwire Babydoll with G-String:
Feel confident and flirty in this see through lace baby doll. It even comes equipped with a matching G-String.
Avenue
To check out the Bridal Collection and more visit www.Avenue.com.
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SPONSORED BY: BOLD MOVES: THE FUTURE OF FORD Step behind the curtain at Ford Motor. Experience the documentary first-hand.
Read MoreFiled under: Lifestyle, Love, Weddings
The clock read half past midnight as I stood idly by the bar waiting for two customers to finish their desert. The sight of the warm chocolate banana cake a reminder, that in less than an hour I would turn 28. I love birthdays, and I have a penchant for starting them early and celebrating them for at least a week. This one would be no different. I had plans to meet my boyfriend for lunch tomorrow, then a party with my coworkers on Thursday night, and a joint birthday bash on Saturday to celebrate mine and my mans illustrious day of birth. Caught up in a daze of birthday planning, I jumped as Ichi, the manager of the small downtown sushi restaurant, came up behind me. In a thick Japanese accent he said "Appy bert-day! You gettoo go 'ome early. We close now." A huge grin spread across my face, as I booked it over to the table to drop my last check.
Walking home, I was excited to see my boyfriend and have a little midnight celebration.
I entered our apartment and Rose, our baby Chihuahua came scampering up to welcome me. The lights and T.V were off in the living room, so I assumed that Hank was in bed, and I couldn't wait to peck his face with kisses. Walking into the bedroom, I was surprised to find it empty. A look of realization swept across my face as I figured out that he had probably gone to the restaurant to surprise me. I had left early, so we probably missed each other in transit. I picked up the phone and listened patiently as the ring went to voice mail. Oh god, I hope he's not picking up flowers or something to surprise me. It would be just awful if he were to go all the way to the restaurant only to have to come right back. My thoughts were peppered with a gleeful anticipation of what ever the surprise might be, and my heart swelled with love for him.
Plopping down on the couch, I flicked through channels waiting for him to call. 10 minutes went by... 20 minutes, no call... and by 30 minutes my mind was racing. What the hell? Why hasn't he called me back yet? Oh no! What if something bad happened to him? My mind immediately jumped to a picture of him lying in the road injured, as tears sprang to my eyes. I pulled back the image, and reminded myself, that type of thinking is not constructive. Searching the house for his gym bag, I assumed he hadn't been home yet, since he always goes to the gym after work and is back by 7pm. Well if he hasn't been home, where the hell is he? I was seriously worried. I called a few more times and left messages, wondering at what point it was rationally acceptable to start harassing hospitals. Calm down. He is probably fine. Why don't you watch a movie and relax.
An hour and a half later, my phone rang, and I attacked it so ferociously, Rose bounced off my lap. There was loud music blasting in the background as Hank gleefully screamed "Hey BABY! Oh Yeah! Great! Having drinks with some of the guys!" He was piss drunk, and I was pissed off. Knowing this was not the time for such a battle I withheld my remarks, and sighed "great" which was a mix between relief and bitterness. "I'll be home soon" he lightly slurred as I responded with a teeth clenched "don't worry about it". Slamming the phone down, I was livid. I didn't want to yell at him in front of his friends or make a big crazy scene over the phone, but everything in my body was buzzing with anger.
An hour later, he came stumbling into the bedroom, and as he lay down in bed, I popped up and made my way to the couch. I was still seething, and this act of defiance was how I was going to make my point. I barely slept, as fits of anger washed over me and the same thoughts turned over and over in my mind. The little bit of sleep I managed to procure was disturbed when the front door slammed, announcing that he had gone to work.
Attempting to sleep was useless, so I got on the computer and decided to try and get some work done. An e-mail popped up from hank, and my heart simultaneously flipped and grew sad. He said he understood why I was mad, and he knew that I didn't like it when he went out late with his friends and got that drunk. He explained that his friends wanted to take him out for his birthday. The petulant child in me reared its bratty head. F-U! Your birthday isn't for five more days! It's my birthday! Mine! He commented that I was over reacting to the situation, and that made me even angrier. How dare he tell me, that I'm the one being crazy! He didn't even bother to call and let me know that he was going to be out till 3am. That is disrespectful and totally unacceptable. I was fed up, and called my friend Samantha.
"Hi! Remember when you said we should go out for birthday drinks? Well we're going to do it!"
She was surprised by my attitude, and said "I thought you had lunch plans!?"
"Nope! Not anymore," I quipped with a vengeful glee.
The plan was to be absent when he showed to pick me up. As I turned the idea over in my mind, I started to feel bad about standing him up, so I e-mailed to let him know that I wasn't going to be home. I was going to do my own thing and try to have a happy birthday. It sounded like I was going on a salvage mission, but I was too angry to recant. Suddenly I was overcome with a ball of furious emotion. My body grew hot, and my head ached at the thought of spending this day without him. I started sobbing uncontrollably, and hyperventilating. Rose ran to the couch and burrowed under a pillow, having never seen me in this state before. I was so angry, upset, and hysterical and all I wanted to do was hurt him. Each time I imagined doing that though, I felt worse and sobbed even more.
I was catching the crazy, and there was only one thing to do. I called my luv Coach and through sniffles and sobs retold the whole story. She took me through a breathing exercise, which calmed me down so I could speak coherently, then led me through an exercise that allowed me to feel all these emotions and then release them. Like magic, I was in a calm state. After asking several questions, she showed me that Hank was the person I wanted to spend my birthday with, and he is the person who is most important to me. "You want to face the issue and work to resolve it together so you grow closer!" She stated with conviction.
I sent an e-mail letting Hank know that I would have lunch with him, and even though I felt calmer, I was still angry. I went to the gym to blow off some steam, and then cleaned up around the house. As I was folding laundry the front door opened. Glancing at the clock, I noticed he was three hours early. I was still in my gym clothes, no make up, and my hair looked like a hot mess. He's probably scared that I might take off and not meet him for lunch. Ha! He held out a bouquet of the most beautiful arrangement of roses and lilies, but in my current mood I unenthusiastically replied "Oh yeah thanks. They're pretty."
In the other hand he held a bottle of champagne, and even though a glass of bubbly might make me feel better, I knew that booze exacerbates any heated situation and makes catching the crazy that much easier. Tucked under his arm, was a box, which by the size of it, had me guessing it was lingerie. The card was laced with sweet words, which helped to soften my mood a little, and as I opened the box, there was another box inside. Probably an upgrade on my diamond earrings. He grabbed the box out of my hand and bent down on one knee.
He opened it slowly and said, "Analise, I love you with all my heart, and I want to marry you."

I was so baffled my limbs became weak. I felt like someone was hanging me upside down by my feet and my head was about to explode. I started crying all over again.
"I look a mess" I croaked. He shook his head and smiled. "No, you look perfect. This is the woman I fell in love with. The one I wake up to each morning. The one I want to spend my life with." I started to cry even harder as my throat dried up.
"Do I get an answer? Is it a yes?" He chided gently.
I shook my head furiously up and down, as he hugged and kissed my face.
He whispered into my ear, "I'm so sorry for last night, but the guys knew what I was going to do and they made me go out and celebrate. I promise to call next time, and let you know that I'm fine."
In that moment I understood everything, and I was grateful for a luv coach who made sure I didn't catch the crazy, allowing me to experience one of the most beautiful days of my life.
The Hollywood Express Marriage
10.) Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra
In all honestly, Dennis Rodman getting married to anyone would have been a shocker but for these two to have found each other oddly enough seemed like a perfect match, given their marriage history (Prince and Madonna). These two are VH1 reality shows just waiting to happen.
9.) Halle Berry and Eric Benet
On the surface, this relationship of two beautiful people seemed too perfect... and it was. The couple, who were married in 2001, separated in 2003, due to... irreconcilable differences. Under the surface though, the rumors abounded that Benet was a rabid sex addict and the cat quickly got out the bag. Today, Halle's got her baby and her new beau and as for Eric... well he's still walking around barefoot.
8.) Treach and Pepa (Salt-N-Pepa)
Although the two have them had been linked for years, they never made it official until 1999. Of course just two years later, the pair broke it off, but managed to produce a daughter, Egypt, in their time together. Treach would go on to do some acting as well as a few "adult" films, while Pepa would go on to reunite with Salt and Spinderella, only to be constantly yelled at by Salt on their very own reality show. All's well that ends well.
7.) Jennifer Lopez and Chris Judd
Unfairly sandwiched between P. Diddy and Ben Affleck, former back-up dancer, Chris Judd had the distinct honor of being one of J.Lo's many love interests for all of a millisecond. Predictably, the marriage lasted less than a year,effectively ending in June 2002, around the same time J.Lo was seen hugging up with half of the soon-to-be ill-fated "Benifer," Ben Affleck.
6.) Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds
This marriage was a wrap before it even had legs. The couple, who were faux-married on the New Year's day in Bora Bora, ended up splitting on the 16th of January. Lucky for them, it wasn't official or that divorce would have been something else. On the bright side, Eddie can now put a little more time into paying Mel B. some of that child support with all his stacks from quality films like 'The Adventures of Pluto Nash.'
5.) Janet Jackson and James DeBarge
In one of the most brief and forgettable marriages ever, Janet Jackson covertly eloped with one of the many Debarge's in 1984 only to break it off a year later in 1985 due to his constant drug use. And to think, the world could have been blessed with a possible clan of singing/dancing Jackson-Debarge babies managed by the jovial Joe Jackson. Oh well...
4.) R. Kelly and Aaliyah
Before he was trapped in the closet and years before he beat those child molestation charges like they owed him money, R. Kelly was briefly married to a 15-year-old Aaliyah in 1994. It was later reported that Aaliyah lied about being 18 and the marriage was annulled shortly thereafter. Coincidentally, Kelly is also known as the pied piper... SUSPECT!!!
3.) Gary Coleman and Shannon Price
Former Diff'rent Strokes star Gary Coleman had long been remembered for either his catchphrase on the show or through the many antics/unfortunate circumstances which have affected him following the show. So when word came out in August 2007, that he wed 5-month girlfriend, Shannon Price, the reaction was not unexpected. What?!?! Who?!?!?! Well low and behold, a year later, this lovely couple soon found themselves in Divorce Court with Gary pretty much saying that he was still a virgin and that she wasn't giving up the goods. Truth is, this couple may not be separated, but those sparks better start flying or Gary's going to blow a fuse.
2.) Mike Tyson and Robin Givens
She played violin, went to acting school, and was once accepted into Harvard Medical School. "Iron" Mike on the other hand, grew up in the streets, became known as one of the most brutal boxers in history, and even gnawed a man's ear off. To say that this wasn't a marriage built to last is an understatement.
1.) Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley
Without a doubt, this had to be one of the most unexpected marriages in history. The king of pop, amidst his first child molestation ordeal, and the daughter of Elvis Presley were as mismatched as a square peg in a round hole. And if the marriage weren't enough, the two of them famously gave one of the most awkward and poorly acted kisses on stage at the 1994 MTV Music Awards, cementing yet another landmark in marvel that is Michael Jackson.
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Read MoreFiled under: BV Buzz, Weddings
Jawn Murray, BlackVoices.com
Season two 'American Idol' winner Ruben Studdard got married this weekend.
The 29-year-old R&B crooner, dubbed "The Velvet Teddy Bear" by soul icon Gladys Knight, wed Surata Zuri McCants at
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Canterbury
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United
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Methodist
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Church in his hometown of
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<city w:st="on">Birmingham, <state w:st="on">Ala. on Saturday.
Studdard and his 30-year-old bride took out a marriage license at the County Probate Office in
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<city w:st="on">Columbiana, <state w:st="on">Ala., last Monday.
Studdard met McCants in October 2006, when he was signing CDs at a Wal-Mart in <city w:st="on">
<place w:st="on">
Atlanta. Captivated by her beauty, he followed her to the store's toy department, and requested her telephone number.
Studdard had 20 groomsmen by his side, and there was no singing during the 30-minute ceremony - just an exchange of vows, prayers and music provided by a string ensemble.
He and h
is groomsmen wore custom-made black tuxedos by Joseph Abboud. The bride chose a white and ivory floor-length <city w:st="on">
<place w:st="on">
Casablanca wedding gown.
After completing wedding party pictures at the church, Mr. & Mrs. Studdard left in a cream-colored Cadillac Escalade en route to the reception, which was held at Rosewood Hall at SoHo Square in Homewood.
The two plan to make <city w:st="on">
<place w:st="on">
Birmingham their home.
Studdard is gearing up to star opposite 'American Idol' outcast Frenchie Davis in the 30th anniversary tour of 'Ain't Misbehavin.'
Though he was dropped from his contract with J Records last year, Studdard is working on a new album with super-producers Jimmy Jam & Terry Lewis that is slated to bow later this year.
No record company affiliation has been announced for that project.
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SPONSORED BY: BOLD MOVES: THE FUTURE OF FORD Step behind the curtain at Ford Motor. Experience the documentary first-hand.
Read MoreFiled under: Lifestyle, Love, Weddings

My wife and I have been married for 14 years, and have been together since we were 17 years old (1986). Now that we're older she is more into church, God. I have been going more often than usual to learn more myself. But the last three years it seems that we have grown apart. She even mentioned before in an argument that she needs for me to come up to her level, spiritually. I still like to have fun, watch TV, and go to the movies. I have since sold my motorcycle, the one thing I had left that I enjoyed, because she said it brought too much attention from other women. She gets a message from the pastor and runs with it. Sometimes my family can't watch TV or listen to music. She just wants everyone to be still all day and read the word.
What can I do to bring the fun back into my marriage?
In every marriage there is a give and receive that must take place for each person in the relationship to find balance and harmony together. Your wife is doing a lot of giving, but she has forgotten how to receive. It's time to sit down and have an intimate talk with her about the need to meet each other half way, and work with each other to live in harmony. This is your opportunity to find out what she is searching for in her connection with the divine, and to understand, support and embrace her choice. Explain that life also gives us the experience of fun and enjoyment, and show her how together the two of you can create a balanced and healthy environment for your children. Everything in moderation leads to a balanced existence, and allows you to grow into well rounded, loving human beings. 
I am going to my sons wedding and my ex-wife will be there. I haven't seen her in 10 years and she is remarried. How should I handle myself at the wedding?
This is one of the most important days in your sons' life, and an experience that may only come once in a lifetime. He will need you to be there for him, to help guide him through this special day. Focus on the needs of your son and put him first. Your ex wife has moved on, and it's time for you to do the same, therefore the best way for you to handle yourself at the wedding is by playing the greatest role you can take at such an event, the father of the groom.
The Hollywood Express Marriage
10.) Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra
In all honestly, Dennis Rodman getting married to anyone would have been a shocker but for these two to have found each other oddly enough seemed like a perfect match, given their marriage history (Prince and Madonna). These two are VH1 reality shows just waiting to happen.
9.) Halle Berry and Eric Benet
On the surface, this relationship of two beautiful people seemed too perfect... and it was. The couple, who were married in 2001, separated in 2003, due to... irreconcilable differences. Under the surface though, the rumors abounded that Benet was a rabid sex addict and the cat quickly got out the bag. Today, Halle's got her baby and her new beau and as for Eric... well he's still walking around barefoot.
8.) Treach and Pepa (Salt-N-Pepa)
Although the two have them had been linked for years, they never made it official until 1999. Of course just two years later, the pair broke it off, but managed to produce a daughter, Egypt, in their time together. Treach would go on to do some acting as well as a few "adult" films, while Pepa would go on to reunite with Salt and Spinderella, only to be constantly yelled at by Salt on their very own reality show. All's well that ends well.
7.) Jennifer Lopez and Chris Judd
Unfairly sandwiched between P. Diddy and Ben Affleck, former back-up dancer, Chris Judd had the distinct honor of being one of J.Lo's many love interests for all of a millisecond. Predictably, the marriage lasted less than a year,effectively ending in June 2002, around the same time J.Lo was seen hugging up with half of the soon-to-be ill-fated "Benifer," Ben Affleck.
6.) Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds
This marriage was a wrap before it even had legs. The couple, who were faux-married on the New Year's day in Bora Bora, ended up splitting on the 16th of January. Lucky for them, it wasn't official or that divorce would have been something else. On the bright side, Eddie can now put a little more time into paying Mel B. some of that child support with all his stacks from quality films like 'The Adventures of Pluto Nash.'
5.) Janet Jackson and James DeBarge
In one of the most brief and forgettable marriages ever, Janet Jackson covertly eloped with one of the many Debarge's in 1984 only to break it off a year later in 1985 due to his constant drug use. And to think, the world could have been blessed with a possible clan of singing/dancing Jackson-Debarge babies managed by the jovial Joe Jackson. Oh well...
4.) R. Kelly and Aaliyah
Before he was trapped in the closet and years before he beat those child molestation charges like they owed him money, R. Kelly was briefly married to a 15-year-old Aaliyah in 1994. It was later reported that Aaliyah lied about being 18 and the marriage was annulled shortly thereafter. Coincidentally, Kelly is also known as the pied piper... SUSPECT!!!
3.) Gary Coleman and Shannon Price
Former Diff'rent Strokes star Gary Coleman had long been remembered for either his catchphrase on the show or through the many antics/unfortunate circumstances which have affected him following the show. So when word came out in August 2007, that he wed 5-month girlfriend, Shannon Price, the reaction was not unexpected. What?!?! Who?!?!?! Well low and behold, a year later, this lovely couple soon found themselves in Divorce Court with Gary pretty much saying that he was still a virgin and that she wasn't giving up the goods. Truth is, this couple may not be separated, but those sparks better start flying or Gary's going to blow a fuse.
2.) Mike Tyson and Robin Givens
She played violin, went to acting school, and was once accepted into Harvard Medical School. "Iron" Mike on the other hand, grew up in the streets, became known as one of the most brutal boxers in history, and even gnawed a man's ear off. To say that this wasn't a marriage built to last is an understatement.
1.) Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley
Without a doubt, this had to be one of the most unexpected marriages in history. The king of pop, amidst his first child molestation ordeal, and the daughter of Elvis Presley were as mismatched as a square peg in a round hole. And if the marriage weren't enough, the two of them famously gave one of the most awkward and poorly acted kisses on stage at the 1994 MTV Music Awards, cementing yet another landmark in marvel that is Michael Jackson.
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Read MoreFiled under: Entertainment Newswire, Weddings
By Karu F. Daniels, BlackVoices.com
On June 20, neo-soul diva Jill Scott celebrated her Carnegie Hall debut with a special announcement of her new engagement to young drummer Lil' Jon Roberts. While she began to sing a tear-filled intro to her signature song 'He Loves Me (Lyzel In E Flat),' the blond-striped coiffed musician emerged with a bouquet of yellow roses and kissed the double-Grammy Award winner after whispering sweet sentiments in her left ear.
The sold-out crowd, who came to partake in one of the biggest highlights of "The 2008 JVC Jazz Festival," cheered its approval - some standing at their feet.
Scott, who was divorced from her longtime lover Lyzel Williams last year, beamed as she revealed the secret news to the rapturous audience.

Not much is publicly known about Roberts, who is believed to be from Scott's Philadelphia hometown.
Though a rep for the singer declined comment about the couple, Blackvoices.com can report that Roberts was with Scott on (and offstage) during her performance at "The 2008 Air Jamaica Jazz & Blues Festival" in Montego Bay, Jamaica.
"I'd get married because I want to share all of this with someone," Scott, 36, shared with Blackvoices.com, while promoting her big screen acting debut in 'Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married?' last fall.
"I just mean who I am and the blessings that I have, I want to share it. That's why I would get married again."
On June 29, TV One will premiere a one-hour Jill Scott concert special. Roberts can be seen prominently throughout the show.
Jill Scott Pictures
Actress/singer Jill Scott, center, actress Mo'Nique, left, and musician Angie Stone pose together at the launch event for the Jill Scott Butterfly Bra Collection at the Ashley Stewart store in Culver City, Calif. on Wednesday, June 4, 2008. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles)
AP
Actress/singer Jill Scott, center, actress Mo'Nique, left, and musician Angie Stone are seen at the launch event for the Jill Scott Butterfly Bra Collection at the Ashley Stewart store in Culver City, Calif. on Wednesday, June 4, 2008. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles)
AP
Actress/singer Jill Scott speaks during a panel discussion at the launch event for the Jill Scott Butterfly Bra Collection at the Ashley Stewart store in Culver City, Calif. on Wednesday, June 4, 2008. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles)
AP
Actress/singer Jill Scott arrives at the launch event for the Jill Scott Butterfly Bra Collection at the Ashley Stewart store in Culver City, Calif. on Wednesday, June 4, 2008. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles)
AP
Actress/singer Jill Scott, left, and actress Mo'Nique speak to each other at the launch event for the Jill Scott Butterfly Bra Collection at the Ashley Stewart store in Culver City, Calif. on Wednesday, June 4, 2008. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles)
AP
Actress Mo'Nique arrives at the launch event for the Jill Scott Butterfly Bra Collection at the Ashley Stewart store in Culver City, Calif. on Wednesday, June 4, 2008. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles)
AP
Musician Angie Stone arrives at the launch event for the Jill Scott Butterfly Bra Collection at the Ashley Stewart store in Culver City, Calif. on Wednesday, June 4, 2008. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles)
AP
Actress/singer Jill Scott arrives at the launch event for the Jill Scott Butterfly Bra Collection at the Ashley Stewart store in Culver City, Calif. on Wednesday, June 4, 2008. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles)
AP
Actress/singer Jill Scott arrives at the launch event for the Jill Scott Butterfly Bra Collection at the Ashley Stewart store in Culver City, Calif. on Wednesday, June 4, 2008. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles)
AP
NEW YORK - MAY 19: TV Personality Jill Scott and Chef Camille Becerra arrive at the New York Moves Art and Design Issue launch party at Tailor on May 19, 2008 in New York City. (Photo by Rob Loud/Getty Images)
Getty Images
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